In the Company of Giants

I am a member of a society. I belong to a group of people who look down upon others. My mere presence in this company allows me to label popular ideas on the subject at hand as "crap" or "asinine." I may be behind a desk in a classroom, but I might as well be in a plush leather chair with a snifter of brandy in hand and the next great philosophical advancement in the field on the tip of my tongue. I am a psychology student.
Academia has an odd tendency to instill either an infallable drive towards the goal of higher learning or a lazy roll off of the bed and into mediocrity instead of a morning lecture. It's like a light switch, either one or the other, without any real middle ground. Yet this is probably true for many different parts of the collegiate experience. You either understand something, or you don't. You either like your professor, or complain about him under your breath to friends who aren't taking any of his classes. You either do your homework on time or watch shows that you would never even consider under anything but dire entertainment circumstances until two in the morning, at which point you decide that you're rested enough to begin a week's worth of homework in a single night. Might as well, it's due tomorrow anyway.
Yet if you do decide to take on the challenge, you discover that you are not in the company of many, but in the presence of the select. You are a discovery in and of yourself. You understand! There can be no greater feeling of accomplishment than the single moment you have between when you figure something out and when you forget it so utterly and completely that not even the first two words of your thought that made it onto your paper seem to remind you of anything even resembling a coherent thought.
Alas, do not despair. This, too, is a sign of your greatness. The speed of your thoughts exceeds even the speed of your pen, crippled though it may be by severe carpul tunnel syndrome from entirely too much internet date chatter with hOtTiEMchotHOT791823@yahoo.com. Unfortunately, neither crude online sexual innuendos nor moments of clarity that have long passed are evaluated on midterms or final exams. So all that remains is to buckle down, kick yourself a couple of times for not paying attention, watch TV until three in the morning, then cram until you're late to your 7 a.m. test.
Good luck, young student, for you are not alone, and we all stand behind you willing and ready to partake in your example of laziness and procrastination. Lead on and we will follow.

On the importance of gum to western civilization

I have been chewing Juicy Fruit for well over 14 years now. It has gone from a rare and amazing treat to something I pick up as an afterthought to a tank of gas. In that time, it has had its package changed, its flavors added to, and its commercial image solidified as the "sweet" that you've just "gotta have." The sugary rush of the first five chews is incomprehensible. The complete and utter satiation of the next five chews is beyond comparison. The devastation of the last five chews is only comparable to the sadness one feels in tasting a stick of gum live out its entire life in fifteen minutes - amazing in their quality and miserable in their longevity.
We have much to learn from the fruit which is juicy. Indeed, the gum that chews sweeter, chews faster. Is this not the conundrum over which the introverts of the world have pondered their exit into civilization? Or is it the fatal reality which extroverts have accepted in their late-night slow-motion dance floor advertisement choreography. Because when she sweats, it's only sexy if you're watching from in front of a TV. Otherwise, it just stinks.
I have come to the realization that the biggest threat to my well-being is me. I am the one who bought that motorcycle, drank that beer, and slept with that...never mind that. Apparently, I am on a mission to destroy myself from every concievable aspect of humanity. If it's not from the outside witht he business end of someone's rear tire, it will be form the inside with any combination of emotion and/or pharmaceuticals. All this steering clear of any sort of illicit implication of illegal drugs. If I'm on a quest for self-destruction, you'd better bet that I don't plan on doing it the herbal way. That's too easy. Race-hot Pirellis are much more fun.

How the mighty have fallen

So after no less than two years of convincing myself that I would never make a blog, here I am. It would feel like a journal if I wasn't justified by every major news media outlet calling this the "information medium of the future." At least I can blame them if I start complaining about my life in anything but an artistic fashion.
Between forcing myself to keep AIM off an not going on thefacebook.com, I get very little done, as the aforementioned activities are very time-consuming. Perhaps a few claims that Kate Chopin's "Awakening" is a masterpiece of homoerotic overtones. To tell you the truth, though, outside of being able to utter those words to anyone in any conversation for a quick cheap laugh with minimal effort I got nothing if not a sudden dislike for the author from reading that book.
A few useful facts:
-Gummy bears last a lot longer if you keep them in the fridge for an hour or two
-If you think that two cartons of lemonade will be quite enough, buy four
-You can never scrounge twenty bucks for a subscription, but five bucks a month seems like chump change tospend on a great magazine
-Keep the sticky side down and the shiny side up
-If you didn't get that last one, go out and buy a copy of Motorcyclist or Sport Rider
And with that, until next time.