On the importance of gum to western civilization

I have been chewing Juicy Fruit for well over 14 years now. It has gone from a rare and amazing treat to something I pick up as an afterthought to a tank of gas. In that time, it has had its package changed, its flavors added to, and its commercial image solidified as the "sweet" that you've just "gotta have." The sugary rush of the first five chews is incomprehensible. The complete and utter satiation of the next five chews is beyond comparison. The devastation of the last five chews is only comparable to the sadness one feels in tasting a stick of gum live out its entire life in fifteen minutes - amazing in their quality and miserable in their longevity.
We have much to learn from the fruit which is juicy. Indeed, the gum that chews sweeter, chews faster. Is this not the conundrum over which the introverts of the world have pondered their exit into civilization? Or is it the fatal reality which extroverts have accepted in their late-night slow-motion dance floor advertisement choreography. Because when she sweats, it's only sexy if you're watching from in front of a TV. Otherwise, it just stinks.
I have come to the realization that the biggest threat to my well-being is me. I am the one who bought that motorcycle, drank that beer, and slept with that...never mind that. Apparently, I am on a mission to destroy myself from every concievable aspect of humanity. If it's not from the outside witht he business end of someone's rear tire, it will be form the inside with any combination of emotion and/or pharmaceuticals. All this steering clear of any sort of illicit implication of illegal drugs. If I'm on a quest for self-destruction, you'd better bet that I don't plan on doing it the herbal way. That's too easy. Race-hot Pirellis are much more fun.